There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
