I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
