It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
