I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
