its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just want to make out with him forever
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
