If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
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i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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