Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
