Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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