i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
