Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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