Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
