just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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