There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
