Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
