If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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