You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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