My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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