You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
