What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
