I accidentally had phone sex last night
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
