It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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