My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
