first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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