just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
