he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He called his prostate his "boner button".
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
