he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
