Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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