That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
whose parrot is this?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
