I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
