It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
