If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize