Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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