i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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