We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
