I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
