hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
