she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
