New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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