Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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