You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
