i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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