Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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