After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
