Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
