Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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