Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
