apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
