i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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