I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
