Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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