So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
50% drunk capacity currently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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