I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
