the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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