Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize