After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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