How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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