You're a womanizer and a bitch.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
