i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize