I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
