It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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