Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Holy shit dude........stairs
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