My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
