I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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