How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He? As in you personified your dick?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
