Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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