Its about making memories worth repressing
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
