Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
