i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
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I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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